((OS)) Bas Itni Khata Thi...

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Aug 6, 2015

((OS)) Bas Itni Khata Thi... (By Taanihalai) (Thanked: 95 times)

I stand at the window of my bedroom and stare at the rain droplets falling down as much as I am falling.

I am falling apart, falling down… falling… falling… falling…

And he is the reason behind why I am falling down that I lack the strength to handle myself…

I met him ten years ago… I met that man who is the reason behind why I am falling today…

Arnav Singh Raizada, just as hot as his name sounds…

The only man I love with everything I could, the only man I could do anything for but maybe he never had an idea about it…

I remember the first day I saw him, that first sight and I was ruined…

Flashbacks…

I walked in a café and settled myself on the table as I ordered for a cup of coffee…

There was nothing that could make me feel better after the memories of my past haunt me..

I am lost in his thoughts that I don’t even realize the coffee has been left on my table and it’s already cold.

I look at it and tears roll down my eyes…

Damn everything seems so bad, why can’t life just be perfect?

Even this coffee being cold makes me cry… everything makes me feel like I want to cry and I am sure if a coin drops down I’ll still cry.

Ma’am your coffee must be cold, I left it half an hour ago, should I get you another one?” the waiter asks

“No I don’t need any coffee” I reply as I avoid looking at him with my teary eyes

I sit there as if it’s my home and I don’t want to just leave…

A few hours later the waiter walks to me again and I still don’t look at him.

“Ma’am it’s our closing time, you should leave”

I turn my head straight towards him and for a while I am left damn speechless, I have never seen a waiter as hot as him.

I look around and find the whole café empty.

“Are you the owner?”

“No ma’am I am left to clean the café and then lock it and leave”

“Fine then you have no right to tell me to leave, I’ll not leave this place until I feel better”

He looks at me awkwardly but finds it safe not to argue with me coz I would have ended up removing my anger on him.

I stare outside the café and see a cute couple together being happy with each other, sharing some cute moments and I just end up crying.

“Are you okay?” he asks me

I just stand up and hug him tightly as I cry all my pain out…

I break the hug awkwardly after some time and he just stares at me with a smile

“You have been through a break up right?” he asks

I nod positively as I sit back.

“How long has it been?”

“Three years”

“And you are still crying for him? Don’t you think if he had to come back he would have by now?”

“I know he won’t come back and even if he does I won’t accept him back, I had left him”

“You love him that you are here still crying about the break up I don’t understand why you left him”

“He called me cheap, characterless and money minded, I can live alone but I can’t live with a man who disrespects me”

“Oh okay… I am sorry”

“And I don’t love him… I am just crying because I dated an idiot and ruined my life”

“Your life is still beautiful, you just have to wait for then right man to come and he would show you why it never worked with anyone else”

I wipe my tears and look at him with a smile

“I guess you are right, why should I cry? I should be happy and wait for my prince charming”

“That’s good now… anyway if you don’t mind, will you now allow me to close the café”

“Yeah sure, and sorry for being rude… anyway Khushi here”

“Arnav” he replied as I walked away.

I stopped at the door and knocked at it as he turned towards me.

“It was nice meeting you, keep in touch”

“I’ll always be in this café, I am sure we don’t make bad coffee”

“I’ll come back someday” I say as I walk out with a stupid smile on my face…

Flashback Ends…

After that first meeting I always ended up at the café almost every day… I would stay there till late and we both would be left alone talking about things…

After like six months… I realized that he was someone so different… he always sat with me and listened to my nonsense, smile at my stupid jokes and do anything to make me feel better…

Maybe I had fallen for him… but I was scared if he did because he had told me that he never believed in love… so was I going to get my heart broken again?

Some two weeks later I confessed to him and as expected he said he never believed in love… I was broken but not hurt… because while spending all this time with him, I realized that love was just love… you don’t love someone so that they can love you back in return…

We remained friends until the day when he finally fell for me…

Two months later after I confessed my feelings to him, he confessed his to me… I can still remember how cute it was…

Flashbacks.

I was sited in my usual place sipping coffee from my cup when he silently walked towards me and sat opposite to me.

I looked at him with a smile and before I could speak a word, he started speaking…

“I don’t believe in love Khushi…”

“Yeah I know that Arnav, why are you repeating yourself?”

“But I do love you”

I was left speechless for a while… I had wished deep inside my heart to listen to this from him but I always thought that he would never say this to me, but today he did… he said he loved me and I just dint know what to do and how to react.

Tears rolled down my eyes as he moved closer to me and wiped them.

“So what if I don’t believe in love… I’ll try my best to keep you happy”

“Arnav how do you know you love me when you don’t believe in it?”

“Because being with you gives me happiness Khushi… I always wait for you, I always keep staring at this table hoping you’ll come today and we would sit and talk normally and we would just be us, the happy us…

When you aren’t here I miss you… I still don’t believe in love but just know that I do love you”

Flashback Ends…

Cute… wasn’t it?

But as they say… every beautiful things come to an end… I never knew that us… Arnav and Khushi would have ever come to an end too because we had that one perfect relation which everyone else wanted…

Let me warn you, perfection is dangerous… keep away…

We went on for three good months with our cute romantic relation… but suddenly… one night everything changed…

Flashbacks…

I was sited in the café as usual waiting for Arnav to finish his work so that we can sit and talk together…

It had actually been a routine…  I used to come here when I had time at night because everyone left and it would be just me and him.

A while later he walked with two cups of coffee and we both started sipping it when I noticed the coffee stuck on his bottom lips.

“Should I lick that?” I asked as I winked at him.

“I would love you to do that” he winked at me

“You know you are so dirty” I said as is stood up and headed towards the door to leave we he held my hand and stopped me… he pushed me to the wall and pinned me there as he started kissing my neck and I just moaned in pleasure… but he stopped abruptly.

“Khushi can I ask you something?”

“Sure…”

“You never told me about your ex-boyfriend”           

“Ask me what you want to know about him”

“How long were you both together?”

“Somewhere like five to six months”

“You know I was wondering… what kind of relationship you both shared”

“What do you want to ask Arnav, come clear please”

“Look we have been together for like three months and we have gone this far, like I have hugged you kissed you and touched you so I was wondering how far you went with him as you both dated longer”

I stare at him speechlessly having no answer to his question

“If you find it personal don’t answer”

“No… you are my boyfriend and you have the right to know Arnav so I’ll tell you… yes I dated him and we did romance, you can just say I dint sleep with him”

He went quiet… completely quiet… I know my answer had hurt him but there was no way I was going to hide the truth from him because then I would be guilty for the rest of my life.

“Why the hell did you do all that with him?” he asked as he sat down and held his head looking down.

“I was carried away”

“Carried away? Khushi you mean to say you couldn’t control your feelings? I don’t see that being the right answer… a person can control their feelings”

“That’s like asking me why I am here romancing with you Arnav…”

“If you said no I wouldn’t romance you before we got married… was it that you couldn’t wait or?”

“I couldn’t wait? Arnav we were dating, we had feelings that time and this is why it happened, if you aren’t happy with it then dump me”

“No! I can’t! I can’t dump you because I love you… I was taught that when things break we don’t throw them away but we fix them…

Khushi why dint you lie to me? You could have just said you did nothing and I could have believed it because I trusted you…”

“Because I dint want to lie to you Arnav”

“And now this is stuck in my mind… it’s hurting me… it’s giving me pain… you can see me hurt like this?”

“No I can’t but tell me, if I lied to you and then you got to know about it how would you have reacted”

“I wouldn’t get to know and you know that Khushi and if by any chance I knew it you would have told me it was a lie and I would have believed it because I trust you more than anything else.”

“I am sorry Arnav maybe it was my fault… maybe I am wrong”

“We aren’t proving who’s wrong and who’s right Khushi damn it...”

“Arnav I love you”

“And I do too but I want to know how differently”

“What?”

“How differently do I love you? What have I don’t till today that he dint do for you?”

“I don’t know and please for heaven sake will you stop comparing yourself with him, you aren’t like him…”

“I need to compare Khushi… because I need to know how differently I am loving you…

I need to know what I am doing in this relationship to make you happy that he never did”

“I have no answer to that”

“That means you don’t see any difference… you don’t damn see any difference which means I am just like him… I do nothing different from him… I am a damn loser”

“Arnav you are hurting me, will you please stop comparing yourself to him?”

“Khushi I can’t stop because I want to compare…

I don’t believe in love yet I love you, I am fighting myself to keep you happy and I try my best… my damn best… every day I sit down and thin on how I am going to make you happy today, on how I am going to please you today but you don’t see any damn difference..”

“You got the answer yourself Arnav why are you asking me then? You are fighting yourself to love me, he never did that”

“And why do I have to try and look for the answers myself why can’t you see the difference?”

“Because I never compared you both”

“You know what Khushi… for the first time ever I am hurt”

“And you know what Arnav? I am hurt too… I dint know it was wrong to love a guy and give him the right to touch you when you trust him…

It’s my fault that I trusted a guy whom I thought would love me and respect me but he turned out to be an **** and it is my fault that I am standing here right in front of you trying to give you differences between him and you…

I am the fool here right? I am the one who’s wrong… I shouldn’t have let him touch me… I should have known he wouldn’t last with me…

You know what, if you think I was wrong then just break up with me”

“I can’t… because I love you… I just need time… how did you get the strength of seeing me go through all this?”

“I don’t have the strength Arnav… I don’t but I just don’t know how to make this right… maybe we’ll never be able to live together like this because every time you’ll touch me you’ll remember this right?”

“I just need to stay alone for a while… I’ll talk to you when I’ll be okay”

“Okay fine… see you Arnav”

Flashback ends…

I am here today… far away from him… it’s been ten years since I last saw him…

I know he must have looked for me but he dint know where to find me as he had no idea where I lived…

He must have waited for me to go at the café but I wasn’t able to gather enough strength to go there…

What happened that day left me completely shattered and so I decided to ruin my life with my own hands…

I promised never to leave him but I had no other option… I spent like three months just crying over that issue and regretting why I romanced with my ex or why dint I lie to him that I had nothing with my ex…

I left because I was a woman and it was my fault that the guy I dated romanced me then turned out to be an **** and the guy I was dating was hurt to know he was sharing me…

I felt like some piece of cake which was being shared...       

I don’t know what I felt for him in this three months we were together but all I knew is that till today I wouldn’t even dare to look at any other guy…

I am now thirty five and I guess… I’ll spend my life like this… alone knowing that I loved him and knowing that he loved me too but I had no strength to answer him and give him differences between that relation and this relation…

I had no strength to see him living and believing that he was sharing what was his.. He was sharing me… so I decided to ruin it all…

I am still falling… today was the same day ten years back when I left… when I last saw him and maybe this was fate… we were meant to love each other but not together because I was a woman and it was my fault…

But the only question I have today is… if he was in my place and if he told me this… would I blame him? Would I ask him why he did that? Would I ask him for differences? Yes I would be hurt but would I hurt him back in return?

No! I haven’t forgotten that he fought himself to love me, I just tried to fight myself so that I could save him from a life where he would always regret ‘sharing’ me.

i am still wondering was i wrong? Was it my fault? Why did i have to go through all that?

This is what makes me fall... fall so hard that i dont want to stand up again.

 

The End!!!!

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